JUNK SEX VS LOVING SEX – LOVER’S GAMES-2
These kinds of games do not lead to any resolution because they are linked to fixations in childhood and are in actuality defenses against intimacy. These defenses were developed on the heels of traumatic events. A three-year-old girl, for example, will discover that she has a vagina and that it feels good to rub her fingers (and other things) against it. She runs to her father and says, “Daddy, look at my vagina!” If the father has a block against sexuality, he may reply, “Don’t do that. That’s dirty.” Or he may become sexually exploitative. Or he may just make a face. Anything that he does, and does repeatedly, will then affect the girl’s sexual development.
Such a little girl, when she grows to adulthood, may form a narcissistic pride about her vagina and her sexuality as a defense against her father’s and other men’s scorn or exploitation, and her sexual relations as an adult will become blocked. Her father’s original scorn or exploitation of something that she thought was so normal and natural remains as a scar in her psyche. She will always be a bit fearful of men, anticipating their scorn of her vagina and her sexuality; and she may even suffer from a form of sexual disorder. Her sexuality will be compulsive and defensive, a ritualized act serving to defend against scorn or exploitation—which to her translates to a repudiation of her whole self. If a person has a fixation, he or she retains the unconscious primitive fears that engendered the fixation.
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